you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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