i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
