i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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