On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
