New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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