fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
