how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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