I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
