thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
