The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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