We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
