bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
