Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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