So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
