I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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