I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
