Sry I called you an 8
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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