o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
