please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
