Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
