do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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