she woke up with a sticky ear
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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