capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
