I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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