I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
