he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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