we have pet lesbian snakes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
