It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
