i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
