Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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