I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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