I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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