Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
