Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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