There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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