Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
