An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
