mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
