we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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