She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
