i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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