I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your topless pictures make me question reality
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
