Cold hands, warm shart.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
