Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
