i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
