Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
