ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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