bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
