If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
