So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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