So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize