ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
