from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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