I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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