He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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