It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
