Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
