I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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