The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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