Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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