i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
