If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
