i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
