My friends, they love my intelligence
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
