I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
