He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
