Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
