it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
