ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
