dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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