Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
